5 Things I never thought I would say

1.)  I need BUTT PASTE....STAT
     This junk is awesome.  Booty goes from blood red to skin color after just a couple diaper changes.  Worked so well on Rowen, figured I'd try it myself.  Not as easy to apply when you can't see what you're doing.

2.)  If you pee in my mouth ONE more time...
     I had heard from people who have little boys that when you change their diapers the #1 rule is to make sure they are done with #1.  Cliche' saying, but worth it's weight in gold.  I have been peed on so often that I've just gotten used to it.  I try to cover it up... pee pee tee pee's and what not, but nothing seems to work.  The thing that I'm so surprised about is how much PRESSURE this little guy has when he goes.  I was under the impression that it would be comprable to the pressure of adult urine.  This is not so.  If it were, it would be like me standing in my driveway and peeing over my house.

3.)  If you would just FART we could both get some sleep.
     There is nothing more frustrating then waiting patiently hoping the little guy will burp or poot.  Then when he does, there's a sigh of relief/joy because now I can get finally get some sleep.  I wish people were this excited when I farted.  I would have tons more friends.  And my co-workers would stop fearing the crop dusting bandit.

4.)  If those stupid leprechauns don't get out of my yard I'm gonna lose it!
     To be fair, when someone is in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation, that junk starts messing with your mind.  You start seeing things that don't make sense.  I'm pretty sure my neighbors rooster is always getting in mortal combat type fights with the garden gnomes.  I'm am SUPER glad I don't have anything I don't want Heather to know, cause apparently I have numerous conversations at night that I have no recollection of the next day.

5,)  Oh dear God, is it ALREADY 8:30...
     And because it is.... goodnight.