Cross Fit People are Annoying (sorry if you are one, but you needed to know)
Chances are if you have a friend who does Cross fit, you’re tired of hearing about it. People who do Cross fit love it, and they let you know they love it, daily. Look I like to work out as much as the next gym rat, but I don’t tell people about it all the time. What’s interesting about Cross fit people is they don’t hear the ridiculousness of what they’re saying.
“Lemme tell you about this work out I did yesterday… We had to climb up a 20 foot rope, tie the rope around just one ankle and hang upside down. Our partner would alternate throwing up a 25 pound greased pig and a medicine ball made of used nails. Once we caught the pig and balanced ourselves, we had to do a vertical sit up, drop the pig/ball of nails back down to our partner and start again. In the beginning of the work out they light the bottom of the rope on fire so you have to get done before the fire catches up to your ankle…”
Whaaa? Pass
Then they start speaking in code. I’m sure it means something, but it just sounds like they’re having a stroke. “Dude, in my WOD we totally did AMRAPs of MP, PSN, SDHP, and a few TGUs. Not only that I PRed today. I’m so stoked”
“Thanks man. I appreciate knowing that. But as you can see, I’m standing at a urinal right now, and this conversation is prohibiting me getting to the purpose of my standing at said urinal. Maybe we could continue this later?”
BEDTIME
When I get in bed I like to have the air conditioner turned to “FREEZE OUT” then pull heavy blankets all the way up to my neck and get warm under the covers. It doesn’t really make sense. I guess I could just not have the air on so low, but for some reason that’s how I like it. I will inevitably get too hot and have to let one (just one) foot/leg out from underneath the covers. I feel like if that one leg cools down enough I can put it back under the covers and repeat the pattern until I fall asleep.
Speaking of that. My wife and I have been married almost 8 years. We were together 4 years before that. In the 12 years we’ve known each other I have knowledge of her farting twice. Both times she was sleeping in bed. (She’s gonna be pissed at this one). The first time she farted we were married for almost a year. I was watching TV and she was asleep. I heard a noise that didn’t come from me or the TV and was confused… Then I smelled it. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t ME. I put it together. SHE DID THAT. I woke her up and was like “Hey… Hey babe… You smell that??? Yeah, that smell… That was YOU!!! HAHAHAHA”
She was none too happy. “Did you REALLY just WAKE ME UP to TELL ME THAT?!?!?” I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but we had a conversation the next morning about it. Apparently it was a big deal. That talk will pale in comparison to the talking to I'll get when she reads this.
Man, your kids are BAD
It’s really easy to know how to discipline someone else’s kids. If you’re at someone else’s house and you see their kids act up, it is SUPER easy to say, “Well what you need to do in this situation is put them in the corner and tell them they are in time out. Then if they won’t obey you give them three hard (but not too hard) swats on the leg and tell them they need to behave. Tell them they cannot leave the corner until they are ready to apologize.”
Then you have your own kids and realize none of that bull crap works.
My son could play by himself with his train set for hours. Grab a book and “read” the pages (which is just him remembering what I said when I read him the page) while Jake and the Neverland Pirates plays softly in the background. Awww Look how sweet he is. I love him so much. He is such a blessing.
Then a friend stops by and all hell breaks loose. He becomes the Tazmanian Devil throwing everything he can possibly get his hands on. “OOOOoooo what’s in the purse of the guest that showed up to our house?? Let’s find out by grabbing it and running down the hallway while I hold it upside down ensuring all the contents fall out over the course of 30 feet. Well then what's all these fun white wrappers?? Looks like TOYS to me!”
Why do I look like I don’t know what to do here you ask?? Because this DOESN’T happen every day… If this happened even ONE TIME prior to this day, I would have an idea what to do. But this is a new and fresh hell. Go ahead and put him in the corner. Then put him back in the corner. Then put him back in the corner. Then put him BACK in the corner. THEN PUT HIM BACK IN THE CORNER. GET IN THE CORNER. GET BACK IN THE FREAKING CORNER! (spank spank spank… cry..cry…cry) “No, you can’t get out the corner until you are ready to apologi… HEY! Get back here and GET IN THE CORNER!!!! If I only spanked my child 1 out of every 15 times he does something bad it would STILL be child abuse.
You can be sure some demeaning comment is coming from people who believe themselves to be child psychologists. “He’s just testing you to find your limits.”
Well that’s a horse of a different color. All is well with the world now. I’d like to know more about my child’s behavior patterns in a bit. Right now I have to stop him from jumping from the couch to the ottoman like a flying squirrel.
I work out at LA Boxing. It’s funny that around this time people show up to the gym and want to get beach ready. I do the same thing though. My pattern is all about numbers though. I think, “Ok, I have a beach trip in two months. I want to lose 20 lbs before my trip. That means 10 lbs a month, 2.5 lbs a week. That’s attainable.” Then a month goes by and I’m pretty much the same weight. “Ok, I have a beach trip in a month. I need to lose 20 lbs this month. That’s 4 lbs a week. That’s attainable.” Then a week out I’m like, “I have a beach trip next week. I need to drink ONLY water for the next seven days. Maybe one cracker for nutrients…”
This pattern will repeat itself for each new occasion. “Ok my reunion is in four months. I need to lose 20 lbs. That’s 5 lbs a month. Roughly one lb a week. That’s attainable.”
So in summary
Have a discipline problem with my children, don’t like to work out, really don’t like to hear how others work out, like a cold bedroom, need to lose 20 lbs before pool party in August. That’s attainable.
