1.) I need BUTT PASTE....STAT
This junk is awesome. Booty goes from blood red to skin color after just a couple diaper changes. Worked so well on Rowen, figured I'd try it myself. Not as easy to apply when you can't see what you're doing.
2.) If you pee in my mouth ONE more time...
I had heard from people who have little boys that when you change their diapers the #1 rule is to make sure they are done with #1. Cliche' saying, but worth it's weight in gold. I have been peed on so often that I've just gotten used to it. I try to cover it up... pee pee tee pee's and what not, but nothing seems to work. The thing that I'm so surprised about is how much PRESSURE this little guy has when he goes. I was under the impression that it would be comprable to the pressure of adult urine. This is not so. If it were, it would be like me standing in my driveway and peeing over my house.
3.) If you would just FART we could both get some sleep.
There is nothing more frustrating then waiting patiently hoping the little guy will burp or poot. Then when he does, there's a sigh of relief/joy because now I can get finally get some sleep. I wish people were this excited when I farted. I would have tons more friends. And my co-workers would stop fearing the crop dusting bandit.
4.) If those stupid leprechauns don't get out of my yard I'm gonna lose it!
To be fair, when someone is in a perpetual state of sleep deprivation, that junk starts messing with your mind. You start seeing things that don't make sense. I'm pretty sure my neighbors rooster is always getting in mortal combat type fights with the garden gnomes. I'm am SUPER glad I don't have anything I don't want Heather to know, cause apparently I have numerous conversations at night that I have no recollection of the next day.
5,) Oh dear God, is it ALREADY 8:30...
And because it is.... goodnight.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Get a visual
My neighbor has a rooster. Now to clear things up a bit, I do not live on a farm. I am not a country boy. I live on a MAJOR BOULEVARD in Baton Rouge. And roosters are not allowed in the city limits.
That sets the stage for one of my worst moments since the birth of my new child.
Many new parents can agree, when you have a new child, sleep is a comodity that you would pay any price for an ample supply. So when you have a rooster next door, this creates a problem. I would first like to clear up any misunderstandings about roosters. 1.) If you're like me, you thought roosters only crow when the sun comes up.... This is not true. They crow ALL DAY LONG. At least the one next door to me does. Maybe he's blind... 2.) They don't say "cock-a-doodle-doo," it's more like "RRK-A-RRRRRK-A-RRRR!"
Now let's talk about baby monitors. They are so sensitive that if two ants outside the window of the baby room were having an arguement, it would sound like you left the TV on Jerry Springer. So when you combine the rooster that walked into our yard up next to the baby room window, and the baby monitor.... It sounded like that friggin rooster is standing on my chest screaming in my face. I think my ears were bleeding.
Being that I have been in a constant state of sleep deprivation, I wasn't clearly thinking when I jumped out of bed wearing only my boxer briefs and a wife-beater undershirt to go kill the rooster. I picked up a piece of base board laying around and headed out to ensure that we were having chicken for dinner.
So at 6:00 in the morning I was in my front yard, on a busy boulevard, cars all around, chasing a rooster around my front yard screaming "DIE BIRD, DIE!!!" BTW, roosters don't run in a straight line, they zig-zag... I can't imagine what the people going to work were thinking while watching that. I didn't care.
When I finally got back in bed, slightly sweaty, dignity lost, I realized it was 15 minutes until my son needed to be fed.
That sets the stage for one of my worst moments since the birth of my new child.
Many new parents can agree, when you have a new child, sleep is a comodity that you would pay any price for an ample supply. So when you have a rooster next door, this creates a problem. I would first like to clear up any misunderstandings about roosters. 1.) If you're like me, you thought roosters only crow when the sun comes up.... This is not true. They crow ALL DAY LONG. At least the one next door to me does. Maybe he's blind... 2.) They don't say "cock-a-doodle-doo," it's more like "RRK-A-RRRRRK-A-RRRR!"
Now let's talk about baby monitors. They are so sensitive that if two ants outside the window of the baby room were having an arguement, it would sound like you left the TV on Jerry Springer. So when you combine the rooster that walked into our yard up next to the baby room window, and the baby monitor.... It sounded like that friggin rooster is standing on my chest screaming in my face. I think my ears were bleeding.
Being that I have been in a constant state of sleep deprivation, I wasn't clearly thinking when I jumped out of bed wearing only my boxer briefs and a wife-beater undershirt to go kill the rooster. I picked up a piece of base board laying around and headed out to ensure that we were having chicken for dinner.
So at 6:00 in the morning I was in my front yard, on a busy boulevard, cars all around, chasing a rooster around my front yard screaming "DIE BIRD, DIE!!!" BTW, roosters don't run in a straight line, they zig-zag... I can't imagine what the people going to work were thinking while watching that. I didn't care.
When I finally got back in bed, slightly sweaty, dignity lost, I realized it was 15 minutes until my son needed to be fed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)