So the trip started when I reserved a 17 foot Uhaul truck for the move to Austin, only to show up and have them tell me they had already given out all the 17 foot trucks but they "upgraded" me to a 72 foot truck (it wasn't that large, but it might as well have been- this thing was GIGANTIC. It needed an old school tree house rope ladder to get into it) It literally was like piloting the Hindenburg oh wheels. It has TWO steps to get into the cab of the truck... not one... two. I was 18 feet off the ground.
--- On a side note, I now know why rednecks like trucks jacked up off the ground, it gives you a sense of power. I looked down in pity at the small Honda hatchbacks scurrying around like dung beetles around my giant truck.
Couple things I learned about this particular UHAUL truck on my 9 hour drive:
1.) It had no CD player, no tape deck, and apparently a malfunctioning radio antenna. It wasn't COMPLETELY broken however, as it clearly picked up four hispanic radio stations along the way. For the first few hours I just sat in silence, but after I broke down mentally, I dialed in to 91.1 "radio caliente y picante de música." Which I assume has something to do with trumpets and banjos. My spanish isn't too good, but I'm pretty sure that I heard the same song 42 times. I could even start singing along. What I was saying... I don't know. Somewhere around Houston I actually caught the end of a Madonna song. Never before in my life have I EVER been happy to sing loudly along with Pappa Don't Preach..
2.) Top speed = 65mph. And it sounded like the engine was going to explode just getting it up to 65mph. I can assume that people were passing me by giving me "verbal and symbolic signs of disapproval" but again, I was 18 feet off the ground so all I saw was the tops of cars. I felt it though.
3.) It leaked gas. I couldn't find out where exactly it was leaking, but I pulled over TWICE to check for leaking gas because the gas gauge was going down so fast that there MUST be a leak somewhere and that could be dangerous. I never found the spot, but I'm sure it was there because there's NO WAY I averaged 7 miles per gallon. I was only going 65mph (see above)
But the BEST part of the trip was not the time, or the radio stations, or paying 300 dollars in gas. The BEST part was somewhere outside Katy Texas, Piper (the dog I took with me) started crying a little. I stupidly thought she just missed her mommy. I was like "ahh,it's ok buddy, she'll be here in a couple days."
That wasn't the problem.
The problem was that I ran out of her dog food the day before and PetSmart didn't have anymore of it. Sooooo, I just grabbed the next best dog food. Anyone who has done this or heard about this elementary mistake, mixed with the volatility of my dogs digestive track knows how BAD of a mistake that was. (Now, I know... some are saying "Poop was in your last blog," but NOT like this.) Last time wasn't in a confined space. Last time didn't sound like a tire blew out on the interstate. Last time didn't look like a Jackson Pollock painting. I was trapped in slow moving traffic. The only thing I could do is roll the window down and drive like Ace Ventura until I could get to the next gas station.
I bet that's the first time the gas station attendant has seen someone walk OUT of the bathroom with a wad of toilet paper. A little group of ladies with their kids saw me take Piper out the truck and were like "awww, look how cute she is!! Can we pet her??" --I let them-- I needed someone to hold her while I put on my Hazmat suit. I snuck children's Benadryl into a portion of a gas station hot dog and gave it to her. She passed out, but then I thought "did that nasty hot dog just kill her?"
She eventually woke up.
We made it.
